A strange new normal

Today, I took my first baby to school for the very first time. Yes, I was an emotional wreck. But, I didn't cry until we returned to my oh-so-empty feeling house. Not even when he ran off to talk to his teacher and go the playground without so much as a "Bye Mom!" or a hug - though I was close. It was hard, letting him go where I am not. I can't remind him to flush the toilet and wash his hands. I'm not there to remind him to calm down and reset when he gets overly frustrated or upset - he is very sensitive. I know he can handle it, but can I?

I was expecting to have a year of kindergarten - where he would still be home for half the day. Instead, he started in first grade and stayed all day, taking to school like a duck to water. Three months weren't nearly enough to prepare myself - especially a summer that seemed to pass with the blink of an eye - and I missed him terribly today. Don't misunderstand me. He isn't perfect; many days I wanted to wring his scrawny little neck or tape his mouth shut. And, I am very happy that he likes school and didn't need to ease into it with half days, but the selfish part of me is mourning his absence.He has been my constant companion. We did everything and went everywhere together. He was my partner in crime when being silly and crazy in the grocery store and my little helper in the house. Whenever I mixed or cleaned anything, he wanted to be apart of it. We used to have Swiffer races, make tortillas, mash strawberries and bananas for breads and jams. I know I can still do all that with him, but, our new normal requires this happens on weekends or after school.

I will do those things with Anthony, but the change is profound. For the first time in nearly 6 years, I don't have William's talking, singing, and sound effects as my constant background (he was even a noisy baby). Man, it is freaky being surrounded by that much quiet in the middle of the day, seeming to accentuate his absence. Anthony, you need to be louder. How did John and I end up with the quiet, thoughtful type? With few exceptions (Anniversaries, vacation, sleepovers) my boys have rarely been away from me for more than 5-6 hours. It feels strange to have one and not the other. Despite this, I am looking forward to the extra time I will be able to spend with Anthony. Now I can do things with him that I did with William when he was this age (that I couldn't do if he were home), and that's exciting. After watching William grow his first year through my fog of depression, I have learned to enjoy the ride. They are only home with me for a short time. However, this is one of those rare moments that I need to remind myself to stop fretting and live in the moment. So, Jeaneane, settle down and appreciate what is. We will all adjust to this new normal, and thrive.

Snowman - complete with smile :)

I know! Let's use raisins for his eyes!

 Today, William and I made his first snowman. Originally, we were going to play in the snow, maybe play a little snow baseball; we were busy making our snowballs when William asked me,
"Mom, can we make a snowman?" And so, the snowman construction commenced. 

   We had a grand time, sprinkling a little horseplay among the snow packing and rolling. While we built, William began telling me all about our 

snowman. Apparently, our snowman races cars, wears a scarf, but not a hat, and has a carrot for a nose. Of course... Duh! Doesn't every snowman? Oh, and he makes the inside of his race cars into freezers so he doesn't melt when he is inside. And he likes to shake his butt when he dances. I didn't know snowmen could dance, being white, but there you have it. After we finished the body, we started on his face. Obviously, it had already been decided that he had a carrot for a nose - despite the fact that the only carrots I had were the bagged baby kind. It worked though, since we made his head so small, he looked like he recently spent some time floating down the Amazon. Then, we brainstormed some ideas for eyes. William wanted buttons, then decided raisins were the way to go. When William went inside to get the raisins, I remembered the pebbles we have on the side of the house, and picked out a few.  I showed him the pebbles when he got back and he said, "No, not rocks MOM!! Those won't look right. Good idea though." Pause, while he tries to open the box of raisins "Hey, I know! Those can be his privates!" Wait, did I hear him right? Yes, yes I did. He wanted to use the pebbles to make the snowman some privates. I turned to look at him, and he just started giggling uncontrollably. He definitely has his father's sense of humor. Okay, so I thought it was pretty funny too. After we finished the snowman, I decided we should make snow ice cream - condensed milk mixed with snow until it reaches ice cream consistency. YUM! A good day.
          And so, I present to you, William's first snowman! If you are wondering why he has a blue/green smile, we had problems getting the raisins to stay for the mouth, so William decided to draw one on with marker. If you are wondering why his smile is below his neck - ask William.

    To be honest, I think it might be mine as well. I remember attempting to make snowmen when I was young, but I don't remember actually finishing one. I would spend a lot of time making a large base, because I always wanted to make a GIANT snowman, and would give up before he was more than just a bottom. So, while I have made a plethora of snowmen butts, I have never made an entire snowman. I guess you could say I am an expert in fabricating frosty posteriors. He he he. Yes, I do realize our snowman has a very small head, an odd shaped body, and the birds will probably eat his eyes very shortly, which is probably why he committed suicide not long after being built, but I think he's sort of cute. You know you are all jealous. You wish you had a snowman as fabulous as ours :)